VANCOUVER, Wash.
MarriageTeam has doubled its couple coaching staff for the second year in a row and now has coaches in six communities in Washington and Oregon.
Washington sites are Vancouver, Long-view, and Bonney Lake, and in Oregon, they are Portland, Eugene, and Creswell.
Al Ray, the Vancouver-based agency's executive director, explained, "2009 was a very good year. MarriageTeam received a Murdock Charitable Trust grant to hire an office manager and conducted three coach training events with the last being in Creswell in November."
As 2010 begins, the 67 active coach couples represent 41 different churches. MarriageTeam coaching is a resource for pastors as well as the community at large and many couples call who are not currently attending church, which makes it a great outreach tool, said Ray.
What do marriage coaches do? Ray explained:
"We are all born into different teams called our family. As we grow up, we learn the plays that work for our team. Some family teams are more functional (winning) than others. As young adults we become | free agents and create our own new teams (called our marriage. The problem is that we bring our old playbook and we do not share it with our new teammate. This creates errors, fumbles, and lots of frustration. Coaches help marriage teams create a common playbook so they can work together for a winning marriage."
Specifically, a coach couple meets once a week for approximately two hours with a premarital or married couple for six to 12 weeks. Couples learn and practice enhanced relationship skills and apply them to the issues that are important to them. Coaching works best for couples willing to do the work, said Ray.
"Learning new skills can be difficult, but when spouses or teammates work together because they realize their success and fulfillment are linked to their marriage or children, the marriage is strengthened. Often one teammate is more interested in coaching than the timer, but if both are at least willing to give it a try, positive results can occur and both teammates benefit," he said.
Scott, one husband who recently completed the program, said, "Coaching greatly exceeded our expectations. It has transformed our marriage and communication Positive changes included communications, harmony and increased sex frequency and enjoyment. I have already recommended MarriageTeam to at least 10 other couples." Scott's wife agrees and explained in her words "There is less conflict, more affection and intimacy, schedule adjustments, and more family time."
MarriageTeam is always recruiting coach couples for its faith-based program. A common misperception is that to be a coach one has to have a near-perfect marriage. Ray says that is simply not the case: "All couples have conflicts and it is coach couples that have struggled themselves that can give hope for a better marriage. Another misperception is that coaches have to have all the answers, and in fact it is just the opposite. Marriage coaches don't give advice; they simply ask questions arid facilitate the process of helping the couple create the new plays that will work for them."
Normally, MarriageTeam conducts coach couple trainings in Vancouver, with one in the fall and one in the winter. The next couple coach training starts Feb 26. Additional information can be found at www.marriageteam.org or by phoning 866-831-4201.
