The Coaching Process
Marriage coaching is all about being focused on your success as husband and wife! Coaches are responsible for facilitating a coaching process so you both can create the solutions that will work for you. Coaches instruct that the you talk to each other. Coaches do not give advice; and are trained not to do so. They simply facilitate the coaching process which in most cases is both a process of self discovery as well as that of your teammate. The coaching curriculum is their road map to help you work through your struggles and roadblocks. Below are the ‘basics’ of the Marriage Coaching Process.
Step 1. Identify the Speaker and the Listener
The speaker is the person who has the most emotion around the issue. The speaker will use I Statements to share their perspective. The Listener will use good active listening techniques to insure the speaker feels understood.
Step 2. Identify the issue
The speaker will explain the issue using “I Statements”.
Step 3. Clarify the Issue
The coaches ensure the listener will totally understands the speaker and the speaker must feel understood. The speaker determines when he or she feels understood. Typically this is determined when the listener asks, “Is there more?” and the speaker says no. At this point the speaking and listening roles switch so each teammate has the opportunity to share and be understood. This is often an repetitious process for significant issues. Frequently the presenting issue, is not the real issue and the clarifying process is essential to get to the root of the problem. If the solution does not address the root of the problem, the issue will continue to occur.
Step 4. Explore Possible Options for Change
When both teammates feel understood and the real issue has been clarified, it is time to explore possible solutions that will work for both of you. The coach will need to guide this discussion because you may be locked into rigid beliefs or patterns of behavior and therefore be unable or unwilling to see different options. Coaches facilitate the exploration of options with questions and brainstorming that does not allow the elimination of any option at this point in the process. They facilitate the process to insure that several options are identified. The best options often come after you and your teammate say that you can not think of any more options. Coaches facilitate creating more options.
Step 5. Move to Action
The coaches will ask about what options sound best to both of you and assist you in coming up with a plan for implementation. This requires identifying specific actions that will be taken to achieve the outcomes you both desire. Questions like the following can be very helpful:
– What actions need to be taken?
– Who will take them? When will they be taken?
– What are the barriers? How will you overcome the barriers?
– How do you want to be reminded if you forget to do what you agreed to do?
– And others designed to create clear understandings and agreements.
Step 6. Create Mutual Accountability for Results
The final step in the coaching process is to encourage accountability between teammates. This is where your coaches will help you identify specific things that you each can say or do to encourage each other to follow through on your commitments. These tools are called “dynamic plays” and are very helpful.