Creswell Toolbox initiates marriage coaching project
Published: September 30, 2009
Story by Gini Davis
More than 200 people enjoyed One Great Date, an inspirational and educational event featuring Alan Ray of Vancouver, Wash., developer of the Marriage Team Coaching program, at Creswell High School on Sept. 27.
Sponsored by Creswell Toolbox, a non-profit group headed by Bill Spencer, Lonn Robertson, Dale Riddle and Sue Bowers and advised by Creswell Interfaith ministers, the event acquainted attendees with Ray's unique program, which trains couples to "coach" other couples, and with an upcoming series of Six Great Dates planned by Creswell Toolbox (see sidebar).
"The motivation in doing this is simply to try to make Creswell a great place to be, and we know that strong families make a little easier path for kids," Spencer explained.
Special music was provided by soloist Elise Heater and pianist Erick Hendricks, and by Ron and Kathy Heater.
The CHS volleyball team served dessert.
Retired KEZI news anchor Rick Dancer, master of ceremonies for the event, noted that true leadership for change "happens from the ground up" and encouraged couples to make "a new commitment to relationships in Creswell."
Sharing experiences from his own marriage of 27 years, Dancer urged couples to be willing to take risks, grow and change, make themselves vulnerable and serve others to build strong, successful marriages. Dancer advised, "Don't go out and sell it, go out and live it."
A slideshow of long-term Creswell couples, humorous videos and songs helped bring home the message that, "It's good to be married," as Robertson put it, citing increased longevity, health, economic stability and joy.
"Get married and stay married—what a concept," Robertson said, reporting that many couples that resist divorce when having relationship difficulties report being happy again five years later.
After joking that "the number one cause of divorce is marriage, closely followed by conflict," Ray delivered sobering news about the economic and psychological impact of divorce on communities, families and children, and stressed the importance of improving and preserving marriages.
"We're all born onto different teams and we learn the plays that work on those teams," Ray said. "But then we bring that old playbook with us to our new team, our marriage."
Learning to break those old patterns and "write a new playbook" together is something marriage coaches can help couples do, he added.
"Looking at it as being on the same team changes the solutions you come up with," Ray said. "It's no longer my way or your way, it's our way."
Creswell Toolbox's goal is for up to 20 local couples to volunteer to be trained as marriage coaches.
Advantages of coaching over traditional counseling, Ray said, include longer sessions, peer-to-peer connections, a home setting and a focus on the couple rather than the individual.
"That small-town feel of a community helping each other and making this a great community to raise kids in" is what the marriage coaching project is really all about, Spencer noted.
"We want to celebrate our community and our potential, using the team concept," Spencer added. "If teams see their potential and grow in that direction, they get better and better."
A shared vision, Spencer observed, is needed to set teams on that winning path: "Some teams don't develop to their full potential because they can't get that common dream," he said.
Promoting a shared vision of strong, capable marriages and families through marriage coaching and other projects and activities, and coming together as a community to help each other achieve those goals is what motivates Creswell Toolbox members.
"Creswell Toolbox came about to try and make it more possible for kids to have a strong opportunity to grow," Spencer said.
He noted that the group, which also hosted a Valentine's Day event celebrating local long-term marriages, formed over a debate about whether additional funds or smaller classes were truly the answers for today's educational and student performance woes.
"Some of the challenges we see today are that the schools are having to put quite a bit of effort into things that are not about teaching," Spencer explained. "We realized that a big part of the communication thing is: When the child gets to school, are they ready to learn? Do their parents have the needed resources to provide breakfast, security, homework help?"
While Creswell Toolbox values the nuclear family (married parents and their children), Spencer stressed that "none of this is about who has been successful and who hasn't. None of us succeed to the extent we would like to; but is there a way as a community we can get better and better, stronger and stronger about supporting our kids?"
"This doesn't take perfect marriages," Ray said, noting that at least one partner in half of the coaching couples has been divorced.
After reviewing local applicants, Ray will determine which couples should proceed with marriage team coaching training.
Creswell Toolbox will then facilitate that training, slated to begin on Nov. 13. The organization will bring a trainer to Creswell, provide a training location and assist in keeping costs down.
"We're excited about that," Spencer said. "We want people to know that if they want to improve their marriages, this will be an affordable way for couples to do something that statistically makes a real difference."
"The goal is to increase the marriage satisfaction and wellness factor of our community," Riddle added.
