Addressing Objections to Coaching
We hear many objections to marriage coaching. The following information provides “food for thought” to common objections that can be shared with an objecting spouse. We encourage those with questions to give us a call so we can provide the information they need for the right decision for them.
Counseling did not work for us so coaching won’t work either. Counseling and coaching are different. Coaching facilitates a process of personal discovery where couples come to agreements about what they will do differently to get different results. It focuses on specific behavior changes to resolve issues so couples can achieve their common and mutually agreed upon goals. Many couples comment that coaching was more effective than counseling because they learned specific tools that worked for them.
We’ll never be able to resolve our issues. Many couples get “stuck” in the same patterns of relating to each other and they have a sense of “here we go again” when certain issues come up. Issues are not resolved and frustrations build. Coaches provide a new perspective, help couples gain an awareness about what underlies their issues and then help them create agreements so they can resolve issues and feel good about each other again.
I can’t be open and honest with my spouse. Some individuals struggle with the idea of being completely open and honest about their thoughts and feelings. Conversations with coaches are confidential. Coaches are there to support, encourage and help facilitate change – not judge. Openness and honesty allow couples to uncover the “real” issues. Coaches create awareness, provide tools and help couples resolve long standing issues and heal from past hurts.
There is no hope for change in our marriage. A sense of hopeless about their situation can develop when a couple has tried repeatedly to improve their relationship without success. It may seem that the many issues they face and the resentments that have built up are too much for any real improvement. As long as both spouses are willing to make changes, there is hope. Coaches meet couples right where they are. They give a couple tools and then work through issues one at a time. The coaching process helps couples address what’s holding them back and coaches provide encouragement and accountability along the way.
My spouse doesn’t want coaching, so it won’t work. Often one spouse is more willing to try coaching than the other. The reluctant spouse may have lost hope or may be carrying resentment or just think improvement is not possible. If the willing spouse will embrace the coaching process and the reluctant spouse will just show up, amazing things can happen. Within a few weeks, the honest and open communication that the coaches will help facilitate can inspire hope and begin to heal hurts that may have been carried a long time. With hope comes new energy for making changes and moving forward.
Coaching will not work for us. Coaching is successful in most situations. Marriage coaching is not the right approach for couples where the main issue is an addiction, domestic violence, on-going affair, mental health issues, untreated depression, or significant emotional abuse. If you don’t fall into one of these situations, coaching is likely to be effective.