So You Are Thinking About Divorce . . .
If you are feeling hopeless about your marriage relationship and you are thinking about divorce as the only option to improve your situation, you might be wrestling with thoughts like:
– God wants me to be happier than this.
– Once we get through the divorce, the children will adjust.
– In the long run, everyone will be better off.
Before you move toward divorce, have you really considered the cost?
Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray in their book, The Walk Out Woman, conclude “The honest truth is that divorce is a tragedy with painful repercussions for everyone involved. More important, its advantages rarely outweigh its negative impact.” They go on to say, there are many reasons why we believe divorce is a choice you will regret.
Divorce devastates your children.
- Although it is common to assume that children are resilient and “bounce back” after divorce, many recent studies reveal that divorce leaves children with lifelong scars.
- Children of divorce have a higher probability of being abused, having difficulty in school, struggling with depression, acting out violently, getting involved in promiscuity, falling into addictions, failing in their marriages, and rejecting their parents faith.
Divorce confuses and disconnects other people too.
- Family members and friends feel like they have to choose sides, and they feel disloyal if they still love and respect the left-behind spouse.
- Friendships are severed as friends do not know how to interact with either spouse.
- Many times the invaluable interaction between grandparents and grandchildren is compromised or ruined.
- Holidays, celebrations, weddings, birthdays, etc. are all made more difficult. Relationships get even more complicated when either spouse remarries.
 Steve Stephens and Alice Gray, The Walk Out Woman (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 2004, 84-89).
Divorce is a financial disaster – especially for women.
- From a purely monetary position, divorce doesn’t make sense. Because women usually retain custody of children and because women usually earn less than men, the majority of divorced women experience a dramatic drop in their standard of living-as much as 27 percent.
- One person summed it up this way: When you think of the thousands of dollars a couple spends on divorce proceedings, how much better if that money were spent on attempts at reconciliation – like marriage coaching.
Divorce rarely solves the problem.
- It’s tempting to believe that divorce is easier than keeping the marriage together, but that’s simply not true.
- Running away rarely solves problems; we carry them with us like heavy suitcases. If you had communication problems in your marriage, chances are you will continue to have communication problems.
- If there are intimacy issues, those issues are likely to follow you out of the marriage.
- No matter how painful your relationship has become, you really do have a choice. You can stay in the marriage and work on the issues where you are. Or you can leave and work on those same issues in a different situation – with all the added pain and devastation created by the divorce itself.
Divorce sets you up to repeat your difficulty.
- It may be tempting, while in the throes of a painful marriage, to assume that things would be better with someone else. Research shows just the opposite.
- The truth is that second marriages have about a 60 percent failure rate. And that percentage increases exponentially for third and fourth marriages.
Divorce often weakens your faith.
- It is not uncommon for a divorced person to distance themselves from church and Christian friends.
- The school of life, as well as many passages in the Bible, teaches us that difficulties help us grow.
- Walking away from our problems usually does just the opposite. It promotes immaturity because we escape the challenges and hard work of perseverance and patience.
- Yes, it is natural to look for a way out when facing adversity, but choosing to remain steadfast builds character and helps us discover the great faithfulness of God.
So what do you do?
- Do you really want a divorce, or do you just want to be happy again?
- Give marriage coaching a try. More than 85% of the couples considering divorce decide not to divorce after coaching.
- Takes only three months.
- What do you have to lose?